Understanding Children's Misbehavior

Children's misbehavior can be managed by understanding why they do what they do. Rudolf Dreikurs developed a theory of child development based on the belief that a child who misbehaves is discouraged, believes he or she doesn't fit, and does not feel useful to others. Parents may not understand why their children think and feel this way, but should recognize what their children are experencing and respond accordingly.

The goals of misbehavior can be broken down into five cagegories: Attention, Power, Revenge, Feelings of Inadequacy, and Independence. The goal can be determined by noticing how you feel when they misbehave, how you respond, and what they do when you respond.

If the goal is:	You feel:	You usually:	They respond by:	New response:
Attention	Irritated	Give either positive or negative attention	Being satisfied for a while, then return for more attention	Give attention in unexpected ways at unexpected times
Power	Angry	Escalate the power struggle	Escalating power struggle	Withdraw from the power struggle and discuss options
Revenge	Hurt	Say "You hurt me" or be hurtful in return	Saying they're glad they hurt you, or acting more hurt	Paraphrase what they are feeling to show you understand
Feelings of Inadequacy	Hopeless	Give up	Going away	Never give up
Independence	Abandoned	Hang on	Pulling for more indepdendence	Allow appropriate independence